RuneMoron

RuneMoron
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~ Eat a item ~
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You eat the vial of water.
You eat the guam leaf.
You eat the eye of newt.

Your sight becomes crystal-clear.
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The King Black Dragon eats you.
You restore some health.
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You eat the easter egg.
What? That was (player)?
Oh well, he/she restores some health.

(On (player)'s screen) Oh dear you are dead!
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You eat a harpoon. Now you are biting fish to catch them.
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You eat a Ranging Potion (4)
OVERDOSE!!
*9999!*
Oh dear you are dead!
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You eat a Zammy Robe.
You ARE Zammy.
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1000 Dragon scimmys!!!!!
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I'd give them to Guthix, along with 10000 million GP, so that he makes it rain Dragon Scimmies.

1000 noobs become PKers because of a strange bug and start killing everyone. The mods ban the noobs, and then me.
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ALTERNATE ENDING: "Spike trap!!"
The Dragon Scimmies all fall on me. *5.1537752073201133103646112976562e+47!* Oh dear you are dead! Players scramble to my corpse, picking up as many Dragon Scimmies as possible.

ALTERNATE ENDING 2: "When Dragon Scimmies Attack!!"
When a Dragon Scimmy falls on Mod Murdoch for 99 damage, he thinks that all the people he banned had returned to get revenge. After respawning, he gives himself the best equipment and prepares himself for battle. Guthix appears and tells Murdoch it was his fault... I had given Guthix 10000 million coins and the 1000 Dragon Scimmies so he'd make it rain. Mod Murdoch teleports me next to him, and tells him the next time this happens, I'm banned. Another Dragon Scimmy is about to fall on his head, but then I jump in front of him, pushing him out of the way, and get stabbed for 99 damage by the scimmy. Oh dear you are dead!

ALTERNATE ENDING 3: "Get rich, or die trying"
After selling all the Dragon Scimmies, I am so rich it isn't even funny. Then, one day...

Zezmina: Money for the poor?

RaceBandit: Oh please, you're the best RuneScape player ever!!
Zezima: You bypassed me the day you found those Dragon Scimmmies though...
RaceBandit: How can I bypass you?!? Your levels are ridiculously high; the highest!!
Zezima: You can afford to turn your house into a mansion now. Can I come over when you're done?
RaceBandit: Oh, my Construction level, that's right!!

I work all day and night, building up my mansion. Then, Zezima shows up, as do a bunch of other guests. In fact, all 2000 players in the world I'm in are at my mansion. After handling 12 seconds of megalag, I expel everyone and tell them to take turns in my house. Mod Murdoch, one of the 1999 guests, resolves the situation by disconnecting me and tearing down my house. When I log back in to find my house in shambles, I collapse.
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u alch your party hat!!!!!!!!!
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You cast High-level alchemy on a Party hat.
RaceBandit: Since when did Jagex raise the value of P-hats to 200 million coins?
200 Noobs: PHR33 ST00F PL0X
RaceBandit: Well, since I alched my P-hat and got 200 million coins, I guess I could give the noobs some free cash.
You give the 200 noobs a total of 2 million coins.
RaceBandit: Now, what to do with the remaining 198 million coins?
Mod Murdoch: How did you get 198 million coins?!?
RaceBandit: I alched a P-hat on accident and it gave me 200 million coins.
Mod Murdoch: Oh dear, I knew I made a typo in the updated value... I'll tell you what--Give me 180 million coins and I'll make you a P-mod, since the value was only supposed to be 20 million.
RaceBandit: Sorry, that's an unfair way for me to be a P-mod.
Mod Murdoch: Oh please; if they find out I typo'd the value, I'll be fired!
RaceBandit: Alright, I'll give you the money. Just don't make me a P-mod.
You give Mod Murdoch 180M coins.
Mod Murdoch: Thank you so much, you just saved my life.
Mod Murdoch has logged out.
RaceBandit: I wonder why a Jagex Mod like Murdoch would get this desperate?
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You alch a Party hat.

Congratulations, you have gained a stupidity level.

You are now level 99. You can now alch yourself.
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You find a Vial...
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You find a vial that is seemingly filled with attack potion, and you think "Ah, whatever... I'll just drink this now..." When you drink it, your attack level reaches 1 and you go "WHAT THE (bleep)?!?" Then you see the sticker on the back that says "Giga Beer" and you look at your Strength Level, which is now 835. You are so confused... And then you suddenly start taking damage as if you were poisoned, but you're not poisoned. Oh no, you stumbled into the level 45 wilderness and now you're being pounded by a PKer!!

Oh dear you are dead!!
=======================================================================You find a vial... You decide to drink it, but when you open it, a genie comes out.
Genie: I am the genie of the vial...
You: Aren't you supposed to be in a lamp?
Genie: Uhh... Jagex wan out of lamps when I was around.
You: I don't believe you.
Genie: Maybe you'll believe you when I grant you 3 wishes?
You: That's not how the random event works.
Genie: Oh, I have to give you my lamp, and you rub it to gain EXP. Well... Will this vial filled with strength potion do the trick instead?
You: Ew.
Genie: How about a Ranging Potion (4)?
You: Okay.
The genie hands you a Ranging Potion (4).
You: Oh (bleep)!! I'm in the Wildy!!

You equip your ranging gear. A ranger with a combat level of 126--let's call him Charizard200--appears and starts shooting you with a Magic Shortbow.

You drink a dose of ranging potion.
You have 3 doses left.
Charizard200: Give up already.
You: Never.

(A minute later...)

Charizard200: No... Why?!?
You defeated Charizard200
You: W00T

You get slashed for 10000 million damage by RaceBandit.
Oh dear you are dead!

RaceBandit: Ehehe... That was a good one. Now, let's see what's on his body. Hey, 3 doses of ranging potion! I could sell this to a ranger for some quick cash... if I get outta here alive. And these 22 sharks should guarantee that.
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I PUNCH THE WALL!!
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I punch the wall. A random PKer with a bug comes and kills me. I respawn in Lumby and he kills me repeatedly.
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I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*9999!*

Wow, I totalled it.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!  THAT WAS MY HOUSE!!
And I worked so hard to reach level 99 Construction...  
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I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*2.*
*55!!*
*(some transcript from a bugs bunny cartoon)*
*1*
RaceBandit: What was that about?
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I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*0*
I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*0*
I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*0*
I SLAM A RUNE WARHAMMER INTO THE WALL!!
*A LOT*
RaceBandit: W00t I tore down the wall!!

Congratulations, you just gained a wall-punching level.
You are now level 99.  You can now use bare fists.

RaceBandit: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?
I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*22*
I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*17*
I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*20*
Mod Murdoch: Punching walls?
RaceBandit: It's a new skill.
Mod Murdoch: Uh, no it's not.
RaceBandit: It's not?!?  Then why can I do...
I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*15*
RaceBandit: ...this?
Mod Murdoch: What the...  Mod Emilee!
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I PUNCH THE WALL!!
*5*
Fragments of the wall hit you in the face!
*A LOT*
Oh dear you are dead!
RaceBandit: What the?!?
Charizard200: Punching walls?
RaceBandit: Were you killed by it too?
Charizard200: Yeah.  I took A LOT damage...
RaceBandit: Me too.

RaceBandit and Charizard200 approach the wall.

RaceBandit: Let me take another whack at it.
I SLAM A RUNE WARHAMMER INTO THE WALL!!
*22*
The Rune Warhammer bounces off the wall, hitting you in the face!
*A LOT*
Oh dear you are dead!
RaceBandit: What the--  How the--
Mod Murdoch: Punching walls?
RaceBandit: First fragments of the wall deal me A LOT damage, then I use a Rune Warhammer, it bounces off the wall, and I take A LOT damage again!!  Fix this skill!!
Mod Murdoch: What the?  That much damage?!?  Mod Emilee!
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The End